The one where you find out who your friends are.

It takes a crisis in your life to find out who really cares about you. I've made no secret that Mike is getting fired from his job in the military. Earlier this month, we finally found out that the end is drawing near. We have about a month before we are out of here. We knew this was coming, but considering this has dragged on for almost half a year now, it was still a shock. I'm stressed about it. We have a plan in place, I'm happy with the plan, and I'm eager to get the plan in motion. However, this is all very scary.

• I never thought I would be turning 30 and moving in with my parents.
• I never thought we would be starting all over again, from the bottom.
• I never thought I would feel unwelcome.
• But most of all, I never thought I would feel so alone throughout this.

What has amazed me throughout all this is some of the people I thought I could lean on who weren't there and some of the people I hadn't thought to lean on were some of my greatest allies. I'm not sure if it's that we aren't as close as *I* thought we were or they just don't know what to say to me.

The people who have reached out to me if for nothing more than to tell me they're thinking about me or praying for me or just ask how I'm doing mean so much to me. Having a friend I can "run away" to who will listen to me and keep me from killing people means so much to me.Having people I know care about me and how I'm doing means so much to me. When I talked about considering selling my spinning wheel to make money and save space, I had so many offers from people who would hold it for me until I could take it back. In the end, I'm keeping my spinning wheel. It folds up and if worse comes to worse, it can live under the bed.

While I'm doing much better than I was, I'm beginning to realize many people just don't know what to say or do with a friend in crisis- no matter if it is a marriage/relationship, a job, illness, or something else. However, your friends need to know you are there, even if it is just to let them know that you're thnking of them. Here are some excellent articles to read:

• 5 Ways to Help a Friend in Crisis
• Mostly Marital Advice, but all good
• Things to focus on
• For the Crunchy Crowd

So, for those of you who have gone out of your way to make me feel loved, thank you. I appreciate it more than you will ever know. I am lucky to have each and every one of you in my life.

 

Comments

[Stacey]

Hey Shanna!

I just saw from my "incoming links" that you referred to my post "How to Help a Friend Through a Crisis" (hilariously positioned as "For the Crunchy Crowd") and I just want you to know that I really appreciate it. It's SO awesome to see that you found my article (and how *did* you find it?) and deemed it excellent!

You may not know that I recently quit my hospital job because I couldn't stand the bureaucratic stuff any more. I've always been the primary wage earner in my family, and living in my parents' basement is one of our Plan B's if I can't generate enough income from my business.

This is hardly desirable, but I'd rather embrace that option than work another day in an environment that asks me to be someone I'm not. I've found that when my actions are completely in alignment with my priorities, I'm happy. I'd love to connect with you more and, for sure, I will be checking back in on your blog!

Thanks again for linking to my blog and big love to you! Stacey

[Shanna the She-Devil]

Thank you for writing such an excellent piece on supporting a friend! The resources to cite on helping are few and far between- most articles I found were geared towards helping your friend crawl out of a deep, dark hole of depression, not just BEING THERE. I don't think most people know where to begin. Again, thank you.

I'm grateful my family is there when we need them. It's not ideal, but it will be fine. My parents are supportive and lovely.

I used to be (more) crunchy myself (babywearing, cloth diapering, homeschooling, the whole bit), but my "baby" is now 5 and if I tried to sling him, I'd probably throw out my back and if I was forced to start homeschooling again (unless it was necessary for some reason), I'd need a Xanax and a hug.

Congrats on forging ahead with what makes you happy and sane! I hope everything works out well- just keep doing what is right for you and yours and everything will work out the way it is meant to work out. xoxoxox